666

There's slightly demonic stuff everywhere you look.

by Isaiah Thompson

Not long ago, I found a microwave on the curb. I was, it just so happened, sprucing up the old pad, so I took it home (don't judge me). Back home, I plugged it in, popped in some Chinese food and gave it a whirl. It worked. Or so I thought. Ten minutes into my sup, the microwave started beeping. And with each beep — and I swear this is true —a "6" appeared on the screen: "6," it beeped. "6." "666." The numbers wouldn't clear. I tried again; same thing.

So Satan controls my microwave, big whup. I still use it (don't judge me). I mean, hey — there's slightly demonic stuff everywhere you look. For example, the Delaware River Port Authority-proposed $500 million waterfront trolley line. Not a bad idea, right? The waterfront could use an upgrade from toxic-pit status. Turns out, though, that — 6 — the proposed trolley line would run along Market Street, even though a subway and half the freaking buses in the city already do that. Oh, and the route doesn't go along the whole waterfront; it terminates at each of the casinos. It's almost like we're subsidizing —6 —the casinos, so how come they're not paying for it?

And speaking of — 6 — casinos, because I always am: Anyone following the push to allow table games? It's a "done deal," except it isn't, and once you've had 61,000 slots shoved up your rear, why not make room for poker? But it's a little — 6 —trickier than that. Competing Senate Bills 711 and 1033, which would legalize table games under the auspices of "reform," would also allow the casinos to "extend credit to patrons for the purpose of playing slot machines or table games." Whoa! Pretty wild, since the current law, the one being "reformed," says: "Slot machine licensees may not extend credit."

What if — 6 — table games, not nearly as addictive as slots,are just a front for getting credit out to the slots? It'd be pretty — 6 — goddamned clever. Another — 6 —provisionwould allow a casino — Foxwoods, for example — to relocate, back to Market East, for example.

Speaking of demonic: State Rep. Daryl Metcalfe, R—Cranberry, wrote an e-mail last week to colleagues stating that "any veteran lending their name, to promote the leftist propaganda of global warming and climate change ... is a traitor."

Way — 6 — to stick it — 6 — to those — 6 — treacherous veterans, man.